Rowena's story

When you’re trying to do it all – working a full-time job, often which might come with late nights and long hours, maybe balancing a family and social life or hobbies – it can feel like you’re trying to juggle a thousand plates at once.

And then when something completely unexpected happens, something you weren’t prepared for, all those plates suddenly come crashing down.

Often people find themselves feeling the need to power through, especially in the world of accounting, where tight deadlines and stigma around coping are rife.

But sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is fight the need to appear as strong.

Rowena, a caba client, working professional and parent, was balancing everything when her father, a retired farmer, received an unexpected diagnosis. “All of a sudden, things just weren’t quite right. He wasn’t moving properly. He wasn’t balanced. One day he was fine, and the next he wasn’t,” she says.

Still an avid and active member of his community, Rowena’s father’s diagnosis – an aggressive brain tumour – came as a complete shock. Doctors gave him only months to live. “The speed of it was shocking. He was diagnosed on 31st January and passed on 9th April. We had no time to prepare for what was coming.”

As her dad’s health declined, Rowena found herself pulled in every direction, working, looking after her two daughters, and trying to arrange his end-of-life care.

“I was firefighting. You’re doing your working day, picking up the kids from nursery and school, then once they’re in bed you’re on the phone to care homes. I was on the verge of burnout,” she says.

While her family were losing someone they loved, Rowena felt she barely had a moment to stop and process her own feelings.

the hidden consequences of powering through

Rowena’s story isn’t unique. In high-pressure environments, there can be a stigma surrounding stopping and accessing for help. A study conducted by caba, 46% of chartered accountants experiencing mental health issues hadn’t taken any mental health days – and productivity at work isn’t the only after-effect.

Even when you keep everything ticking over, ignoring stress and grief can take a real toll. Research shows that constantly suppressing emotions can lead to prolonged grief disorder, anxiety, depression, and burnout, but also health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure and gastrointestinal problems.

Rowena’s experience shows that coping alone doesn’t always mean coping well, but luckily, she knew where to go to for support before things worsened.

support from others can be the best coping strategy

As it started to feel overwhelming, Rowena reached out to caba for support, where she was offered counselling for her feelings of stress and overwhelm, and ultimately her grief.

“Having that time gave me the space to grieve. Everything else could pause for an hour, and I could focus on what I was feeling. My counsellor gave me the confidence to read my dad’s eulogy and be the one to tell his story,” she says.

For Rowena, caba’s support was exactly what she needed. “When I called caba, they were quick to answer, flexible, and supportive. Everything was highly confidential; there was no judgement. The services are brilliant – don’t underestimate their value.”