how to cope with financial issues in your relationship
Money concerns can often be a cause of tension in relationships, but it doesn't need to stay that way. Read through our tips on navigating the issue.
Money may make the world go round, but it’s also at the centre of many issues, including relationship troubles. In fact, 1 in 7 couples in the UK break up with their partner over financial strain – and, on average, couples argue over money five times a month. This can be due to a myriad of reasons. Some may simply not have enough to get by, leading to tension, while others may disagree with how their partner is spending, or have different financial goals.
Relate marriage care counsellor and director of client services Jenny Porter said that: “usually when couples argue over money, it is because both individuals have very different spending habits. For example, one person may be more risk-averse and want to put more money away for retirement, while the other person may be more focused on spending for today.’’
But it’s not all doom and gloom. If you are one of the many couples facing issues due to financial strain, there are steps you can take to build a stronger relationship.
communication
Open and honest communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and this is especially true when discussing finances. According to Relate counsellor, Arabella Russell, the key is to ‘be completely open and honest with each other about your values, feelings and spending habits. Make sure you’re both clear on how you plan to share finances, pay bills and manage your spending.’’ Set aside dedicated time to talk about money without distractions. Communicate feelings, concerns, and expectations without blaming or accusing your partner.
Starting the conversation can be tricky. Many people may feel awkward bringing it up, or worried about how their partner may react. Relate offers some useful advice when it comes to navigating the situation:
take turns to speak - and make sure to listen
This might sound obvious, but it can be easy to focus on getting your point across, rather than taking in what the other person has to say. Ensure you are acknowledging their points.
be ready to compromise
As with many contentious relationship topics, it’s not always possible to meet eye to eye on every detail. It’s better to go into the conversation being ready to concede in certain areas if necessary.
draw up a plan
Discussing things, of course, is very important, but it’s also important that there’s a practical side to things too. If you think it will be useful, it may be worth setting down in writing some concrete ideas for how you could proceed.
come back to the discussion later
It can be easy to simply have one big talk and hope that’ll do it for the foreseeable future. But building good habits as a couple is sometimes about returning to the same topics repeatedly - to make sure that you’re both still doing ok, and that what you talked about is still working for both of you.
find a plan that works for you
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing finances as a couple. Discuss your financial goals, values, and spending habits. Whether it’s a joint account, separate accounts with a shared pot, or a hybrid approach, find a system that works for both of you.
agree on a budget
Creating a budget together can help you track your income and expenses, identify areas to cut back, and set financial goals. Involve both partners in the process and make it a collaborative effort. Regularly review and adjust your budget as needed.
To help you get started on creating a budget, we have helpful budgeting resources with all you need to know.
save for a rainy day
When you’re faced with unexpected bills or shortfalls, it can increase levels of stress, leading to more strain in your relationship. To combat this, set up an emergency fund that will help cover any surprise costs. Agree on an amount each month, even if it’s only small, and don’t touch it until you need it. To help with your budget, use our 50/30/20 calculator.
talk to someone
Sometimes, it helps to speak to someone who is both impartial and experienced in dealing with relationship issues. We have a partnership with Relate, which allows you to access six free sessions of relationship counselling.
Relationship therapy can help you identify any underlying issues. It enables you to understand each other and to work together to create a plan that suits both parties. One study found that 99% of people who had couples therapy saw a positive impact on their relationship.
Is relationship therapy for you? Find out more about Relate’s services today
more to explore
seven steps to maintaining a good relationship in retirement
If you’re about to retire or have already retired, it’s important your relationship thrives. Not sure where to start? Take a look at these steps for maintaining a good relationship.
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