Relationships

The Americans have an expression for it. They call it "Quality Time" and by that they mean the time we spend with someone who matters to us. It hardly matters what we do during that time. We might go to a football match or the cinema, we might simply go for a walk, but the critical thing is that we spend a good chunk of our precious time with those people in our lives who are special to us. Being with them and talking with them is the key. And when we say "talking with" we must include "listening to" as a vital element.

The pace of our modern lives is frantic. Work drives us as it never has before, with email, mobile phones and the need to travel, all crashing in on our private time. The key element that is destroyed by this life style is communication. We arrive home late and exhausted, we slump in front of the television until bedtime, we sleep and then we dash off early to work again. We even watch TV during meals rather than talking to each other.

The result of this is perhaps inevitable. The relationships we have with those closest to us get no nourishment. They are allowed to become starved by a lack of the vital understanding that comes with conversation and with simply being together. Problems and pressures are not aired so they grow. Support and encouragement are not offered, so we feel alone and worry more than perhaps we need to. Disagreements build into major fractures simply because we never make the time to address them properly.

Communication is absolutely vital. The old adage "Those that spend time together stay together" is so true, because in doing so they provide that mutual support and understanding that builds us up and strengthens us. We face problems with confidence knowing that the person who matters most to us has understood and is supporting the steps we plan on taking.

Chartered Accountants are under a huge amount of pressure, working long hours, not only to meet ever more demanding workloads and tight deadlines, but also doing so in order to ensure that their careers progress. The rewards can be great, providing the best in housing, education and healthcare for our families - but the long-term cost can be devastating. Family relationships can breakdown, sometimes resulting in complete alienation from partners and children.

There are, of course, many other problems that affect our relationships. Some people are manipulative and always have to be in control, others seem to enjoy having someone to complain about. Some have unusual sexual tastes, others find it hard to enjoy sex or even to have it at all. We vary so widely in our own personalities and preferences that it is truly impossible here to go into even a fraction of the possible permutations.

But there is one vital message, which comes in two parts. Good relationships need effort and nourishment, and bad ones need action. If you have a good one, be happy and continue to work at it - it is worth the effort as a close, mutually supportive bond between two people is a precious thing.

And if it is not so good, do something about it. Suffering in silence is being fair neither to yourself nor to your partner or others close to you. Only you will be able to decide whether staying together is the best way forward but taking responsibility is absolutely vital. We all have but one life and there is no reason to endure unhappiness. If you feel your life is like that, do something about it.

There may be a number of options available to you but sometimes when you feel truly miserable in a relationship, you may feel there are only one or two. Talk to someone before you make a decision or take action which may be irreversible and which may hurt others you love. There may be a close family member or friend you can talk to but sometimes it is much easier to talk to someone who does not know you both.

Our counsellors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and you can talk in total confidence and call as often as you need until you feel in a position to make a decision. However painful that may be, with support, you may be able to manage a separation which doesn't completely destroy all that you once had.

If you would like to talk to someone in total confidence, please call one of our professional counsellors now on our 24 hour advice and counselling helpline on 0800 107 6163.

If someone you know is having relationship difficulties and it is affecting you, please call 0800 107 6163 to talk to one of our counsellors in confidence.

If you are experiencing financial hardship as the result of relationship difficulties, please contact CABA or telephone 0800 008 7007 - International calls telephone +44 (0)1788 556366, in complete confidence.